A relationship expert says opposite-sex friendships almost always carry an undercurrent of attraction, even when both people insist otherwise.
The debate resurfaced after Jenny McCarthy and her husband, Donnie Wahlberg, joked on her podcast about whether having an attractive male friend crosses a line. Susan Trombetti, relationship expert and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking in Maryland, told Fox News Digital that simply finding a friend attractive doesn’t automatically threaten a relationship — but it can be the start of something deeper.
“I think we can be friends with hot people … but a lot of times, I believe that friendship started with a sexual interest or romantic interest, and the timing wasn’t right or the other person wasn’t interested in them,” Trombetti said.
She went further, arguing that true platonic friendship between men and women is rare. “I don’t think women and men can ever truly be friends,” Trombetti said. “I think it was always a sexual undertone that sparked the friendship and a foot-in-the-door for something more, [even if] it’s 20 years from now.”
Where Attraction Becomes a Problem
Noticing that a friend is good-looking isn’t infidelity, Trombetti said. The danger comes when that awareness grows into an emotional affair. “The line between attraction with a friend and an emotional affair is a slippery slope, especially if you have a partner,” she said.
Trombetti pointed to the film “When Harry Met Sally” as an example of how emotional closeness can build into something romantic long before physical attraction is acted on. “Long before they sleep together, they definitely are having an emotional affair, even though they don’t recognize it as such,” she said. “They are sharing everything. Emotional intimacy turns into long-term relationships.”
Guardrails for Staying Platonic
For people who want to keep an attractive friendship strictly platonic, Trombetti recommends several boundaries:
- Avoid flirtatious banter
- Skip physical touch
- Don’t stoke sexual chemistry
- Limit late-night texting
- Stay fully transparent with a romantic partner about the friendship
If one person develops feelings the other doesn’t reciprocate, Trombetti said the friendship can survive if both people are single and respect clear limits. But for those already in committed relationships, unreturned romantic feelings almost always mean it’s time to step back to protect the partnership.
When a Partner Gets Jealous
If a partner expresses jealousy over an opposite-sex friendship, Trombetti suggests examining the cause before assigning blame. “Are they jealous or are you making them jealous?” she asked, noting that erratic jealousy often comes from a partner feeling they lack emotional reassurance or priority.
Still, she cautioned that if a friendship genuinely respects clear boundaries and a partner responds with controlling behavior anyway, that reaction could point to a deeper problem in the relationship itself.
