David Ferrugio was 12 years old, living in New Jersey, when he watched the World Trade Center towers collapse on television. His father, David Frances Ferrugio, worked at the Trade Center and died in the attacks.
Twenty-five years later, Ferrugio hosts a podcast called “DEAD Talks” and has written a book, “You’re Not Dead Yet,” built entirely from what that day taught him about grief.
“It was like a dividing moment in my memory and my life, because I was one person on September 11th and then on September 12th,” Ferrugio said. “It was a whole new reality I walked into, which inspired what I’m doing.”
For years, Ferrugio kept his emotions to himself. That changed when he found value in talking openly about loss, and eventually built a platform around it, inviting guests onto his podcast to discuss their own experiences with death and grief.
“Eventually, I got comfortable expressing myself and learning the importance of just sharing my story and telling people how I feel and opening up,” he said.
Talking About It, Even When It’s Uncomfortable
Ferrugio said sharing stories of loss brings emotional release and helps people realize they aren’t alone in their pain. He said he sees the impact directly.
“Even when I have my days of just not feeling it, I’m reminded by the people who reach out and the way they share their story … how much it is impacting so many people.”
He said community matters now more than ever, at a time when loneliness is widespread, whether or not someone is actively grieving. “I’ve learned so much through the eyes of others, and I think the storytelling is just so vital,” he said.
Fear of being judged, Ferrugio said, is what typically stops people from telling their own stories — even though doing so can be freeing.
A Shift in How He Sees Life and Death
Ferrugio said his mental health has improved over the years through deliberate effort and a change in how he views mortality.
“Life and death are the same coin, just two different sides – and there’s a thin veil between them.”
“It’s completely shifted the way I live my life through seeing what other people are going through … understanding the pain people are experiencing, how they manage it … how they reframe it, and understanding that as alone as this life can feel, we’re not as alone as we think,” he said.
He said grief pushes people to stay present, to feel their full range of emotions, and to give themselves grace during hard stretches. “Ultimately, all these conversations I’ve had are conversations about grief, but they’re really conversations about how we can live this life,” he said.
Tools That Help
When grief hits, Ferrugio said his instinct is to let himself feel it rather than push it away. “A lot of breath work works wonders for me,” he said. “A deep breath is going to do more for you than you think.”
He also credits exercise and time outdoors with calming him, though he’s quick to note that what works varies person to person. “We forget to look inward, and we all have that intuition and that guttural feeling – we have to trust what we’re saying to ourselves,” he said. “What feels good? Does this feel like it’s working?”
He said it’s important to make room for small moments of joy, even in the middle of grief. “Give yourself permission to feel moments of levity, to feel moments of joy, even if it is for five seconds … just take those moments and cherish them, because the contrast of the joy and pain exists for a reason,” he said. “Whatever we go through in life, it’s an ebb and flow, and sometimes both are happening at the same time.”
Still Here, 25 Years Later
Ferrugio said the pain of losing his father hasn’t gone away, even a quarter-century on. But he wants others who lived through that day to recognize what they’ve survived.
“For anyone else who’s been part of that day, I just hope they look back at the days they’ve gone through and see that they’re still here. You’re still with us, and you’re still grinding, you’re showing up for the people in your life.”
“It’s important to zoom out and realize, ‘I’ve done this for 25 years, and I’m still here,'” he said.
